Have you ever had those conversations that move beyond opinions and stories, where you listened or were listened to in a way that enabled you to think and speak creatively, where you were surprised even at what emerged? We call them generative conversations.
We’ve just done an exploration into the way people have conversations around Wicked issues as part of a global initiative known as Ulab https://www.presencing.org.
Folks reported that conversations sometimes feel like a battlefield where everyone’s loading up the ammunition of their arguments to fire at one another. Other times it’s a race for the pause, where the fastest thinker gets their point in. You know those conversations? They can leave you feeling really dissatisfied, right?
We love generative conversations where we can pause in the stillness and feel into liminal spaces, where surprise and surprisingly deep connection awaits us. Here’s what one our our participants in Ulab had to say
…it is not so much the quality of the conversation that was different but perhaps what was different was having that quality of conversation with people I haven’t worked with or known over a long period… Michael
We believe in the power of talking differently. We’re frustrated with the debating conversations that seem to go nowhere, where action of Wicked Problems gets stalled. We believe, as a culture, we need to get beyond ideology and polarized debate, those spaces where we’re stuck in our defensiveness, can’t step beyond our view, so keep on generating the same, go nowhere, results. Effective action is continually compromised.
Why is it so hard? Research in neurophysiology suggests our ‘western’ culture has largely been left-shifted, that is, shifted into predominantly operating from the left hemisphere of our brain. This is the part of the brain where we focus on assembling our stories of what is ‘real’ and true. This ‘storying’ mind builds on past learning and, more importantly, past experience. We problem-solve from what we know, what we believe, what we value. In this part of the brain we judge others or ourselves and build alliances based on largely unconscious personality patterns.
The left brain has very short neurons and can only integrate painful experience through judgement and blame. It brings us into and reinforces our sense of separation.
The research indicates If we’re trying to bring about social change through the left hemisphere we will evoke opposition. This is why working to get people to understand the ‘facts’ doesn’t work, why being talked at by experts is unsatisfying, why problem solving from what we know leads to more and, oftentimes, bigger problems, lasting divisions and often a growing inability to collaborate around much simpler tasks.
The right hemisphere of our brain conversely has very long neurons. It is the right brain that senses the connection between things, helps us see a bigger picture, helps us connect to deeper parts of ourselves and to have empathy for others. It integrates painful experiences through presence to feelings, the whole body, through mourning, through finding resonance with others who are feeling the same. It builds bonds beyond our separations and creates the sense of belonging – where we’re able to ‘be-in-the-longings’ we share. The right hemisphere accesses a greater field of knowing. it enables connection and enables us to be in those generative spaces that we find so satisfying.
To work with complexity where there are no simple solutions, no one right way, we need to bring right brain perception, empathy and connection to left-brain problem solving. By doing this we access that larger generative field, generate multiple response pathways and have more satisfying interactions.
WE, Wicked Elephants, have created WEtalk. It’s a way of talking, of making sense together of complex issues by loosening our attachments to rationality, logic, theories and concepts, experts and authorities. We involve the whole body in conversation as it’s our best sensing organ. We build WE, that is, connections to create trust, playfulness, deep listening spaces where we all lean into more of our embodied and collective wisdom. We bring a broader field of knowing to problem solving and generate safe to fail, reflexive actions through which we continually learn. We know the value of lightening up with one another, admitting that we don’t know everything, that we’re learning beings, evolving through challenge and support, evolving as part of evolving life.
Wanna talk? Let’s WEtalk – differently!
Reference: Sarah Peyton (2017) Your Resonant Self. W.W. Norton & Co. NY